Life.....

has been......well sort of crazy I suppose. Lots of bad and good things have happened to me in the last month. And honestly, the good are kind of weighing out any of the bad. Let's hope this continues.

Changes.

I have found myself in a weird situation over the last couple of weeks. I have always been one to follow my heart and not always what my gut and brain are telling me to do. My entire life growing up, my mom would always tell me that if I ever lied to her about something she would always find out about it. Because "the truth always comes out".

And as much as I hate to admit when my mother is right........she usually is 95% of the time.

I'm not going to blog to the world details but I made a very big decision on Friday that would have affected my life forever had I not gone through with it. I'm ok. I'm actually not very upset at all. And I think that just makes it 100% clear to me that I had no business thinking I was ready for something with someone I can't trust at all.

I'm a strong and independent woman and I'm going to be just fine.

Rut, rut, rut.

That is what I'm in. I have been a little bit better the last few days. It's hard to be upbeat when you are stuck in a situation that no one seems to want to resolve but you. I can't pretend that things are fine when they're not. I have never been that kind of person and I just can't bring myself to really ever be that way. It's not who I am.

Argh.

I'm at my breaking point. And the worse part is....my heart is what's breaking the most. Ugh.

If Megan Fox  didn't annoy me before, she does even more NOW. Her acting ability is mediocre and while she is pretty, that's really all that she's known for. I used to think she was pretty cute until I watched an interview with her when Transformers was about to come out into theaters. She talks like a complete idiot and I just can't understand what the fuss is about her! I'm not going to lie, I definitely lol'd when I heard the rumors that she had a big toe for a thumb. Turns out she just has "toe-like" thumbs as seen here.

The reason I'm annoyed with her now is because she has been getting all of this press for the fact that people still can't believe she is married! Cause she is just not old enough and blah, blah, blah. She's 24 and Brian Austin Green is what. 36? 37? I think that's why people are making a big deal out of it. Oh, Hollywood drama.

That's my rant for the day.

Remember when?

A friend of mine turned 27 today which only brought on the annoying reminder that I too will soon follow suit in exactly 3 months and 7 days. It of course makes me freak out a little bit and think that the last ten years have completely flashed before my eyes. In all reality, of course it hasn't. There were times when days seemed to take years to go by but of course when you look back it seems like it went by so much faster.

I remember when I was younger and thought that 25 was so far away and here I am about to turn 27. 

Well, you know what they say, age ain't nothing but a NUMBAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Why get married? It's just a piece of paper."

I had someone at work ask me that exact question last night. I was kind of caught off guard and I didn't really exactly know how to respond to her. I guess for some people, maybe it really is just a piece of paper. We live in a world where the symbolism of marriage has become so tainted for so many people. The divorce rate has steadily been either close to or at 50% for most of my life. But I also think that sometimes the rate is that high because we as a society (for the most part) want to be loved. We are taught from a very young age through movies and television that certain feelings we experience are the foundation for relationships and that the next step from there IS marriage.

I have been thinking a lot about what my co-worker said. She was married once before to her high school sweetheart. They started dating when they were very young and got married at 21. She told me the marriage lasted for less than a year because she caught him cheating on her with another woman. Since then, the concept of marriage has been tainted for her. She told me that it literally disgusts her at the thought of being married to someone. As I was listening to her explain her heartache, I could completely understand where she was coming from.

There was a previous relationship with ex #3 that I really and truly thought that the two of us were going to end up getting married. We dated off and on for 5 and a half years and I guess at that point you either get married or you break up, ya know? It got to the point for me that I knew if he were to ask me to marry him, I honestly couldn't see myself having a life with him anymore and I knew it was time to move on from that relationship. And that is exactly what I did. I am very grateful that I didn't marry him.

So I guess now I am finding myself pondering the reasons why I personally want to marry Mac. It hasn't been my dream since I was a little girl to get married and have the big fancy wedding that everyone would be jealous of. To me, our wedding is going to be a celebration of our love and us finding each other.  It was kind of hard to try to explain my reasons to my co-worker last night, because she kept saying that "you don't have to be married to be in love, live together, or have kids". While this may be a true statement these days, I guess I just feel differently about that. My parents have been married for almost 34 years and they got married at 20 years old! These days people get married at 18 and 20 and are often divorced by the time they are 25.

I think probably because people change and grow into themselves differently. You either grow together as a couple or you grow apart. Now I am not knocking anyone I know that has gotten divorced at any point in their life but I would hope that they could at least see where I am coming from.