Reflection.

I have been doing a lot of self-reflection lately. I do this a LOT anyway but a lot more than normal. I have contemplated for years about what sort of field of writing I want to go into. (Hence, the reason for getting my degree in Journalism!) I can remember deciding when I was a young pre-teen that I wanted to write something someday that would help people, particularly, young girls and teens and all of the issues of self-esteem/self-image/etc. I have often worried that my writing wouldn't be good enough or maybe that people wouldn't be able to learn anything from it. (There I go again, doubting myself!) I guess I find myself doing this because I automatically assume that no one would want to read what I have to say. (Don't ask me why!?)

For the last 13 years, I have consistently written in a journal documenting my daily life. I even have two diaries from 4 years before that from when I was still in elementary school. I have written documentation of my life and not many people can say that they do. I have about 14 journals full of so many things that have happened to me. Especially, during my teenage/early adulthood years. Some of it I find HYSTERICALLY funny and some of it makes me bawl my eyes out. I always thought that one day I would do something with these journals and somehow turn them into an outlet for sharing my experiences with people going through/or have gone through similar things.

I find it to be a really scary thought as to how to go about putting a piece of my work out there for the world to see but I realize that in today's world it's MUCH easier to do with the help of the Internet. I bought a new journal last week to start re-writing about my past experiences and reflecting on how they have helped to shape me into the person that I am today. I wrote about ten pages just within 30 minutes. It's amazing how I can put a pen to paper like that and all the memories just start pouring out. The time period in my life I decided to write about was my first serious relationship in high school and the emotions just seemed to hit me all at once and it's been almost ten years since the relationship ended.

I am not saying that I had to undergo something different from anyone else but I guess my willingness to talk about it has changed a lot now that I'm 26 years old. Talking about the past for me has always been my own sort of personal therapy sessions. Even if I am writing it down in my daily personal journal. I am hashing out memories not to dwell on what happened to me, but to make light of how these situations impacted my life for the good and the bad. I'm ready to finally put my talent to good use. So here I go!

Until next time, my friends.