Monday, September 6, 2010

"Why get married? It's just a piece of paper."

I had someone at work ask me that exact question last night. I was kind of caught off guard and I didn't really exactly know how to respond to her. I guess for some people, maybe it really is just a piece of paper. We live in a world where the symbolism of marriage has become so tainted for so many people. The divorce rate has steadily been either close to or at 50% for most of my life. But I also think that sometimes the rate is that high because we as a society (for the most part) want to be loved. We are taught from a very young age through movies and television that certain feelings we experience are the foundation for relationships and that the next step from there IS marriage.

I have been thinking a lot about what my co-worker said. She was married once before to her high school sweetheart. They started dating when they were very young and got married at 21. She told me the marriage lasted for less than a year because she caught him cheating on her with another woman. Since then, the concept of marriage has been tainted for her. She told me that it literally disgusts her at the thought of being married to someone. As I was listening to her explain her heartache, I could completely understand where she was coming from.

There was a previous relationship with ex #3 that I really and truly thought that the two of us were going to end up getting married. We dated off and on for 5 and a half years and I guess at that point you either get married or you break up, ya know? It got to the point for me that I knew if he were to ask me to marry him, I honestly couldn't see myself having a life with him anymore and I knew it was time to move on from that relationship. And that is exactly what I did. I am very grateful that I didn't marry him.

So I guess now I am finding myself pondering the reasons why I personally want to marry Mac. It hasn't been my dream since I was a little girl to get married and have the big fancy wedding that everyone would be jealous of. To me, our wedding is going to be a celebration of our love and us finding each other.  It was kind of hard to try to explain my reasons to my co-worker last night, because she kept saying that "you don't have to be married to be in love, live together, or have kids". While this may be a true statement these days, I guess I just feel differently about that. My parents have been married for almost 34 years and they got married at 20 years old! These days people get married at 18 and 20 and are often divorced by the time they are 25.

I think probably because people change and grow into themselves differently. You either grow together as a couple or you grow apart. Now I am not knocking anyone I know that has gotten divorced at any point in their life but I would hope that they could at least see where I am coming from.


Dunhill Diaries said...

i love reading your blog. i am definitely a follower.

Dunhill Diaries said...
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