I decided to take pictures of my P90X progress.....very, very depressing is all I can say. My weight is fluctuating like crazy and has been doing so a lot over the last 4 days. Water weight is the cause I believe. I hope that taking pictures to monitor my progress will help to keep me motivated. Here we go!!!!!!

So, I began my yearly anti- resolution routine by claiming I wouldn't make any resolutions to better myself.....even though there are things I struggle to change in myself for the better! As I get older, the struggle with my weight has continued. I feel quite ashamed to be 26 years old and in such poor shape! I can stick to routines if I try but life always seems to get in the way and I give up. I have made excuse after excuse as to WHY I cannot do this! And as I have packed on the pounds, I decided to buckle down and make the change.

I started eating better and taking yoga a couple of times a week almost three months ago. I wanted to start slow so I wouldn't get frustrated and want to quit. I have now re-committed myself to the P90X workout and just completed my first week of phase one. I am FINALLY going to do this and am looking forward to seeing myself transform into a better and healthier me!

I often feel like a 50-something year old trapped in a 26-year-old's body sometimes. I am rocking out to music from the early to mid 60s while the majority of people around me are using the word "like" for every other word in their conversations. This is probably one reason I am still in college. I get fed up with the majority of my generation way too easily and this in turn caused all of my semesters off over the last 7 years.

I really hate when people put themselves in stupid situations and then want to cry to everyone they know and expect them to feel sorry for them! Excuse me for not giving a shit! As my parents have repeated to me as I was growing up, "You made your bed, now you have to lie in it."

"Forgiveness.....is more than saying sorry."

Isn't it though? I contemplate the concept of forgiveness at least once or twice a week. Why? I guess because it just becomes one of those complicated subjects that some people spend countless hours, minutes, seconds over analyzing. I happen to be one of those types of people that over analyze every little thing. At some point or another in our lives we run into certain events that take place that cause us to either forgive someone or someones for something they did to us or to perhaps someone close to us. But how exactly do we go about handling the forgiveness process?

For everyone it's different of course. I, for one, have a very hard time being able to move on past something that effects my day to day living. The concept of "forgive and forget" just doesn't go over very well with me. I remember EVERYTHING in extreme detail that has caused some sort of riff in my life and I have a very hard time being able to move past something. I guess for the most part, these things typically aren't something that can so easily be forgotten. It isn't that I don't want to be able to move forward....I do. I just am ashamed that I have become such a weak person that would rather curl up under a blanket and hide from the world instead of dealing with my "demons".  2009 was a rough year for me in more ways than I can count and the tough part is that I never saw any of it coming.

If time heals all wounds, then why months later do I find myself still hurting?

To blog, or not to blog. That is the question.

I have debated now for quite sometime about whether or not to hop back onto the blogging bandwagon since abandoning my days of Xanga years and years ago. I write every single day most of the time in a journal. I have a very huge collection of journals that I have been writing in for the last twelve years of my life. Not really writing for any particular type of audience in mind, just something I have done for so long it has become a daily part of my life.

I see it as an outlet. A way to share my feelings, thoughts, ideas, etc. with the whoever is willing to listen....or in this case read. So I guess in a way this is my introduction blog. I am not exactly sure what my intentions behind this blog are or will become but for now I just know that it will be another outlet for my writing.

So, hello to the world of blogspot. Glad to be here!